so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
