I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
