the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
