If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
