Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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