He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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