She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
