Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
