rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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