Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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