Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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