please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
