I faked an abortion last night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
