he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
