my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
