Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
