So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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