you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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