I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
