Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's get the cat blown out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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