she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
