Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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