Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
