Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
