What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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