those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
