I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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