well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
