So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
