when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
