I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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