Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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