I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why do cheetos always look like penises
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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