He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You took a bar mat shot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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