OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
