Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
