i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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