I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I will be naked everywhere
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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