i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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