I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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