That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
