I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
