Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
