Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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