I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
