I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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