nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
