I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
