Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
