in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
